Fast Bunny

So far so good on the nutrition front! I made another day at the office with out hitting the candy bowl. I know, 2 whole days! But the victory today was that on Friday, there were brownies and cake and other things and I did have brownies. None of that today. I think I did pretty well.

It was thunder storming last night and we lost power a couple times. Even Cooper was shaking and scared. Frito was in the dryer, in the tub, running around crying, in the half bath trying to hide behind the toilet. Oh brother. On top of this, I forgot to refill my migraine prevention prescription and by the time I realized I hadn't taken it, the pharmacy was closed. Never knew that stuff has some pretty nasty withdrawal effects. I was dizzy and once I went to sleep I had nightmares and night sweats. So between that and my crazy dogs scared of the thunderstorms, not the best night of sleep.

So, I slept in and we now have our daily department meetings in the late afternoon. They are supposed to be only 15 mins, but as expected, it took 45 mins and I would be late for therapy. I anticipated this and canceled my therapy and plan to go Thursday. So, I did have time to swim after work and wouldn't have to wait until really late or skip it all together.

And good thing. I had a great swim! I think it is the fast bunny suit! I swear! I makes me want to swim fast!
200sw, 200kick, 200pull
8x50-25drill, 25 kick
5x100 on 1:50 in 1:27, 1:28, 1:32, 1:29, 1:27 (first 2 were easy50, hard 50; 2nd 2 were hard 50 easy 50, last one was hard)
1000 with 100 hard, 100 easy--did hard 100's in around 1:30 and easy in 1:45 at least from what I could tell...
2x300 pull w/paddles w/ :20 rest
100 cd
3200m total

My arms are gonna hurt tomorrow!

Eggs=Strong

Today I have been lazy. I slept in, and took a long time getting to do my first workout. I am tired from my long brick yesterday I think. And still run down.

Yesterday early afternoon, I met Matt and Genine at the Y to do a bike ride with some hill reps mixed in and then a 25 min run. It was cloudy and in the 50's and just kinda blah. But, we were outside at least. My IT band felt ok, which was a victory all in itself. I was a little tired, but did ok. This was Genine's first outdoor brick ever! She did great! She will be ready to kick butt at her first triathlon in 4 weeks. With snack breaks, the ride took 2:50 over some hills. I ate well I think, a gu before, lara bar at 45 mins, gu at 90, gu at 2:15. Didn't feel hungry at all. Kinda felt like I had a stomach ache for the first half of the ride actually. The lara bar was pretty old.

I ran relaxed and just tried to keep my cadence up for the run. Ended up doing 23 mins on a rolling course. I couldn't have done the workout with out Matt and Genine. Having them along gave me that extra push to do the run when really I wanted to get in my car, go home, sit in the tub, and then nap. And having them along on the bike helped remind me to eat and made it much more fun. That is a long time out there on the road by yourself.

I was tired. And hungry. I barely got in some food and took a nap. I have done a little better with my food now that I am writing it down. Still need to work in more protein and variety. We'll see how work goes this week, but, it is hard to eat so much candy or ice cream for breakfast when you know someone is looking at it. The power of shame. It is good for me though, athletes don't eat candy all day. Or if they do, they aren't as good as they could be if they ate real food.

So, once I was up from my nap and the dogs got a bit longer walk, and then off to the store to buy some healthy food. The fridge was looking pretty empty. I got lots of fruits and veggies, some chicken (never do this), protein smoothies, eggs, milk, cereal, oatmeal, bread, cheese, frozen fruit and veggies, juice, pasta, cliff bars for workouts. I piled up my cart high (it was a little cart, but still). I cruised past the Easter candy aisle without blinking an eye. I got my Edy's slow churned ice cream. I get to have some fun. $139+ at the checkout!!! Ok, I bought a new leash and poopy bags for doggies, but human items were still over $100. Sigh, eating healthy can be expensive. As I was on my 2nd of 3 trips of lugging in all these groceries and carrying way too much at a time, I dropped them all. Ahhhh! The milk smashed immediately and started to pour onto the sidewalk, the pasta box burst open, somehow the eggs were all fine. I picked up teh milk and ran into the house as it gushed out onto the sidewalk and floor. Must save some milk! I got about 1/4 of it transferred into the current gallon that is mostly gone. Sigh. Good thing it rained.

So, I don't like this dreary rainy junk, but at least we aren't buried in snow. I still have to get out for a run. I am nervous about my IT band even though it feels ok now. It started hurting after the last time I did a long run. Can't be scared forever though.

I had a good swim. I attribute it to the pink fast bunny suit. I love that suit. I wore my new one for the first time today. It was an easy swim, but I swam easy good.
100 sw, 50 kick, 100 sw, 50 kick, 100 sw
3x300 on 5:30 in 5:04, 4:55, 5:00
50 easy kick
2x300 on 5:15 in 4:40 and 4:30
400 cd with drill
2350m total
I focused on the technique points from my lesson last week--minimizing my kick, using my left arm more/properly, trying not to over rotate, relaxing on the recovery.

"People grow through experience if they meet life honestly and courageously. This is how character is built."-Elanor Roosevelt

One day at a time

I try to take one day at a time, but sometimes several days attack me at once. ~Jennifer Yane

This is how I have been feeling a lot lately. There are so many things for me to do, they keep piling up, it's overwhelming. I think that, combined with my horrible nutrition, my emotional stress, and possibly my almost 4 hour ride in cold weather in shorts on Sunday all pushed my system into overload. So I spent Wednesday and Thursday holed up in my house and I slept most of the two days. My body was in serious revolt. Cold, achy, tired, sore throat.

I need to clean up my nutrition. I say that a lot, but, I am really getting serious. I don't like feeling like garbage. I can't get by eating so much sugar. I am ok with where my weight is even though a lot of people think it is low. I know where my body feels good, and if I eat well, I think I will be fine. I am writing down my food everyday. I know I currently don't get enough protein from meat or eat enough variety. I need to get better about my shopping trips and planning ahead.

Stress is a hard one for me to deal with. Work is stressful right now. I am trying to do the best I can to manage it there. I am working to decrease my personal life stress by finalizing my divorce, asking for help with things that I can get help with, managing my time better, and minimizing relationships that cause me too much stress or drama.

I didn't feel great this morning, but I wanted to go to work. I didn't want to miss another day. I slept in until 7. Yikes. Then realized I hadn't washed my hair since my swim Monday morning, so I had to wash and dry my hair. Felt dizzy and tired walking the dogs. Do I really think I can do this? Slugged my way through the day and got a migraine. Took my medicine which dulled it and went swimming. I really wanted to start working out again after 2 days off. Into the cold pool, migraine and all. It turned into a full on screamer of a migraine. I kept going.
1000m wu
4x{100m hard on 1:35 or 1:40 in 1:28, 1:32, 1:30, 1:30, straight to 200 in 3:20, 3:15, 3:25, 3:13, 100 easy back}
8x50m sighting (was supposed to be 2 breaths on the way back, but...anyone ever tried to do breath control with a migraine? No freakin way)
3000m total

Then another migraine pill. Then I started feeling a bit better. Finally. And did some stretching, then strength training. I was doing side planks and Frito rolled onto his side too just like me :) It was so cute. He likes side planks. Then he ran over and sat on me. Not so cute. Okay, maybe sort of.

Some more quotes I like. I had a couple interesting conversations yesterday. One positive, one negative. My brain isn't working so well due to the low body temp freezing and all. Sometimes reading quotes helps me sort out what I am thinking. About my conversations, how I feel about my stress levels, my life, whatever.

Stress is poison. ~Agavé Powers

Stress is nothing more than a socially acceptable form of mental illness. ~Richard Carlson

One day at a time--this is enough. Do not look back and grieve over the past for it is gone; and do not be troubled about the future, for it has not yet come. Live in the present, and make it so beautiful it will be worth remembering.

Tension is who you think you should be. Relaxation is who you are. ~Chinese Proverb

Sometimes a headache is all in your head. Relax. ~Hartman Jule

Blessed is he who has learned to admire but not envy, to follow but not imitate, to praise but not flatter, and to lead but not manipulate-William Arthur Ward

Cooper and Frito homework

Frito and Cooper have some homework to do...

playing dead

Cold

I didn't swim this morning. The new suits have not been worn yet :( Instead I have spent most of the day sleeping and trying to stay warm. My temperature has been between 94 and 96 degrees all day. It did jump up to 97.8 after a long nap with my heated sheets on full blast. But then it dropped back down. I just can't get warm. I am achy and tired. I felt like this last year. Before I got bronchitis. The difference...I think I still worked and did a bike ride. I remember riding on my bike trainer and taking my temperature afterward and being amazed that it was only 93 or something like that after a workout. At least I have grown and realize that if I am feeling ill and tired I should not be jumping on the bike to sneak in a workout.

So, I am bummed that even though I had essentially a rest week last week due to my IT band, I am rundown and sick. Grrr. But, missing another workout or two won't kill me I guess. Better to be safe. I really feel weak right now. Tired and achy. So cold.

To top off my feeling crappy, Mark called me. Great! I guess we missed our court date yesterday. What? I have been calling him and bugging him every day about when our court date is going to be. His lawyer says that she thinks the court never sent out the letter to her or us. Shouldn't she have been checking up on this? You know, since we have been asking about it like every day? I don't like her. I just want it over with. And it could have been done. Yesterday. But no. So the date is now April 17. Pending any more acts of idiocy from the lawyer. Ahhh! I just wanted to scream or punch something or someone. I just want this done!

In some other news, the guy that I went on my first date with contacted me through facebook. Awww :) He is a very sweet guy. And turns out he ended up getting his Phd in Math and is a college professor. I guess I always liked the math nerds. It is sort of fun going down memory lane. We went to the homecoming dance together when I was a sophomore and he was a senior. We were both on the cross country team together and he remembered something that I had forgotten--that our coach had singled the two of us out as not working up to our potential. I don't remember that. Not at all. That was so long ago, 14 years! Almost half of my life. And here I am at 29, and I still feel like I have never reached my running potential. Back then, I think Coach Plouff was saying we weren't working hard enough. I was a sophomore then, my first year on the team, and new to everything. I started working harder and then began over training by my junior year. I always wanted to do well, and had the potential physically, but got in my own way. And to some degree, I feel like I still do. 14 years later, I feel like I have figured it out a little more, but, I'm not there all the way. I still get in my own way, I still don't reach my potential. Hopefully this is the year I figure it out and reach my full potential.

New Suits!

I have been waiting for almost 3 weeks. I got home after feeling tired at work all day. And they were finally here! My new Splish suits! I haven't had a new suit since my Santa suit and well, I only wore that in December...didn't want to be that weirdo swimming in a Santa suit in February. Wonder woman...Now that's not weird at all!


Something about a new suit--a bright, pretty, cute new suit can be so motivating. It makes me want to swim faster!


Of course you have to swim FAST when it is written on your butt and on your cap!
I just don't know what to wear tomorrow to swim...what to wear to St. Anthony's Tri. Tough decisions.

I was feeling run down today. I did my swim yesterday morning. It was slow and sluggish. I did the workout to the best of my ability but my lats were so tired. Achy almost.

5x150-50pull, 50 kick, 50 swim
200 kick
5x200 on 3:30 just sneaking under (3rd was pull on 4:30 I am slow at pull especially when tired)
500 "time trial" in 8:40 after 1:00 rest good god, that's slower than my easy pace. I was trying, really I was. I just felt like sinking to the bottom of the pool.
100 swim, 50 kick cd
2600m total

I was tired and went to bed early at 9:00 and slept in until 6:30 pm. I still felt wiped out. I thought we had a track workout tonight. I guess not yet. I didn't feel up to it anyway. I did a 40 min easy run and felt mostly okay except my right IT band hurts a little and my right foot hurts. But, not too bad. Manageable. Just tired. A little scratchy throat. Talked to Coach Jen H and readjusted schedule.

Frito got into an empty Gu packet over the weekend and ate part of it and remaining Gu. Made him sluggish. Not sure how long this was after eating the packet. Perhaps this is long after the sugar/caffeine high and he is in the crash phase. Forgot I took the pictures. He wants to share.

Maybe I had Gu on my fingers from the packet cleanup? Frito the Gu addict.
Cooper is cranky. Maybe he was coming down from the Gu high as well...

I can get faster

My bike ride yesterday wiped me out. Every time I do a long ride I remember that I never ever want to do an ironman. Too much biking. Possibly never do a half ironman again. I really don't like being on the bike that long. I suppose it is a necessary evil. The long ride. To get in shape. It was supposed to be a brick. I probably would have enjoyed it more if I wasn't shaking from the cold because I was out in 45 degree weather in my tri shorts.

Anyway.

So I didn't do my track workout today. My IT bands are tight. And I am wondering if I have mono. No I don't have mono. I pretty much wonder this 25% of the time. I have successfully navigated through almost 3 months without getting sick. By this time last year, I think I had bronchitis and a cold. I like not being sick. I want to keep it that way.

I am getting back on track literally and figuratively with my workouts this week. I can do this. This IT band thing is not going to get in my way!

I had a good swim lesson with Joe today. I haven't had my swim stroke analyzed in months and it was much needed. A 30 min swim lesson was a huge help. He is a great coach. One of the first things we worked on was relaxing on my recovery. I am too mechanical and wasting energy when I should be relaxing and RECOVERING! Another thing, I need a smaller kick. It is creating resistance that is slowing me down. I need to control the kick and I will actually move faster. The biggest thing--My left arm needs to get deeper in the pull and is hinging the wrong way at the elbow. I have not been getting much out of my left arm pull. Once I get this figured out I will really see some improvements! A whole other arm!!!! Also, I am over rotating! Ahhh! I thought I had fixed this last year. I guess I am back to my old habits. Most triathletes try to rotate more. I need to rotate less. Hmm. I know I am a weirdo. I kick too much I rotate to much I hate the pull buoy. I just don't fit in with you triathlon people! Anyway, so I have so many things to work on and ways to improve! I can get so much faster!
After my lesson I swam more.

6x50 on 1:15 mini-maxi, counting strokes and timing myself and then adding them up. My scores were 77-80 with times of :43-46 and stroke counts of 32-35. I was focusing on the things I learned in my lesson.
6x100 on 1:50 in 1:35-1:40 thinking about form
6x100 on 1:40 in 1:28, 1:32, 1:34, 1:35, 1:36, 1:34 thinking about form, trying to stay relaxed but go fast
6x50 kick w/:20 rest
200 cd w/ 50 pull, 50 swim, really focused on that left arm pull
Did maybe 2500m total including lesson?

Who needs a paragraph

I am too ADD to write in paragraph.

• I am making blueberry muffins right now. What kind of muffin mix only makes enough for 6 muffins?
• My training week has been really good in the sense of injury prevention
• My training week has been really bad in the sense that I did not stick to my schedule that well and had to keep changing my workouts up
• I have to sign up for my exam by the 25th, and I really shouldn't put it off until the 25th at 5pm or whenever registration closes.
• If I study a lot the next week and a half, I will finish the first 3 sections of my study guide by the end of March and will be on the study plan I set for myself!
• Jelly beans are the devil
• Why did I buy 2 bags of jelly beans knowing I was going to come back ravenous from a long workout?
• 1.5 bags are still intact and are trying to make their way to the office
• I left the house intending to go for a 3 hour ride yesterday
• It took me 3:45
• Because I rode slow...err, because it was windy and hilly
• Just because you hope it is going to be warm and want your legs to be tan, it is not a good reason to go out for a 3+ hour ride in tiny little tri shorts and 45 degrees.
• I need a tan before I go to Florida in 5 weeks, I would hate to blind people down there
• I need to make my travel plans for St. Anthony's NOW
• I swam 2700m easy yesterday morning with 3x500 easy and relaxed in 8:10-8:20 on 9:00
• When did swam 2700m, 3x500 and easy get in the same sentence?
• Freddy and I got carded at "I love u man".
  
• I am 11 years too old to be carded for an R movie and he is...well, I won't put his age on here, but older than me--maybe they thought we were 2 HS kids on a date.
• Blueberry muffins need to cool down before you eat them
• My bracket is doing ok, I am not good in the first few rounds.
• I don't pick enough upsets one year
• the next year I pick too many
• I am in a non upset year
• It is hard to pick the upsets
• Stick with the odds and put in a few gut instincts
• And of course, pick some teams based on name, or location or color if you can't decide
• The Duke game got too close last night
• The dogs had their own version of March Madness involving indoor fetch, keep away with the tennis ball, stealing the tennis ball out of each others mouths, and of course, wrestle mania.
  
• Frito peed on my bike trainer 2 nights in a row while I slept.
  
• He went out for a walk at halftime of the Duke game, so he had no excuse.
• His revenge for me being out on the bike for the whole afternoon.
• "You looked like you were getting dressed to go running, then you left with that bike!"
  
• This is what he thinks as he revenge pees
• I have a swim lesson today with Coach Joe!
• Yay!
• Then a hard swim
• Then track
• Then my uber long ice heat foam roll recovery session
• Not being injured takes a lot of effort!
• Cooper wants a belly rub
• He says hi to all his adoring fans
• Sometimes I wonder if he is the one that secretly pees downstairs at night because he knows Frito gets blamed for all the mischief
• But he is such a good dog, he would never
• I think that is all I have to say.
  

Suffer Like a Dog

This was actually written on my swim workout for last Thursday. It made me laugh at first. My dogs don't really seem to suffer much. They get lots of treats, sleep in the bed, more toys than you can imagine, I could go on...They live a pretty good life. So the words of suffering like a dog initially brought up images like this one of Frito in the bed getting his belly rubbed.Or Frito in bed under the covers with his head on the pillow, a typical site in the morning.
So I thought about it some more. My life, even though I complain sometimes about not having all the comforts I want and it has had it's dramatic ups and downs, in general is pretty comfortable. I don't suffer all that much. I choose to do this sport. For fun. I choose to challenge myself. To go out and push myself, to test myself, to suffer on occasion.

Then I thought about Cooper. Playing tug-o-war. He loves it. When we used to go to the dog park he would play for hours. With the big dogs. Even with Dino the pit bull. And he would hold his own. He would dig his feet into the ground, hold on tight with his jaw, shake his head and neck to try to get the rope away. He would tug and tug and tug. When the other dog would give up, he would go back for more, or look for someone new to tug with. Suffer like a dog.
Here's Cooper tugging with his larger "look alike" buddy Lucky. They tugged and tugged a lot. This image was going through my head when I was thinking of suffering like a dog. Here's another one that made me think of suffering like a dog. When you through something into the water for Cooper to fetch he goes all out. Dives into the water. Swims all out. Swims back all out. Runs back all out. Gasp gasp gasp. Throw it again. Suffer like a dog. Give me some more. Short rest please! And he goes and goes until he is utterly exhausted. Same thing with fetch.

So, today as I was swimming, I was thinking this again. Suffer like a dog. I had accidentally turned off my alarm this morning and looked more like the pictures of Frito above. After work I was tired but tried to keep my energy up to swim.
400wu
8x50 drill IM order
4x300 on 5:30 in 5:05 to 5:10 with a 50 sprint at the 150
4x200 on 3:30 in 3:06 to 3:10 with 50 sprint at the 100
4x100 on 1:35 in 1:32, 1:35 (no break...), 1:35 (took 5 secs), 1:33 I think I was supposed to be sprinting a 25 in there somewhere...
I didn't rest at all between the 300's, 200's or 100's. Just boom, boom, boom, straight one to the next, no rest, just like Coopy chasing his ball into the water. He would be so proud :)
6x50 kick on 1:10
100 cd
3600m total
Whew!

I went for a run when I got home. My IT band felt ok. My right foot hurt. I am wondering if that is the cause as it was before. Or if my shoe was too tight on my big wide foot. Ugh. Ouch. Then I heated, iced, heated, iced. Then foam rolled. All while watching basketball. It was quite a long process.

I had a little scare when I got home and the tv and tivo weren't working. What, can't watch March Madness? But the dogs must have stepped on the switch on the power strip and turned it off. So it was fine. Why does the Duke game have to start so late?

A year

I started trying to write this and I feel like there is something wrong with my brain. Like I am stupid all of a sudden. Lack of running perhaps? Too much time around crazy stressed cranky mean people at work? Who knows. I just feel like my head is full of gunk, and it doesn't know how to get out.

I swam this morning with Esther and Aaron. Well, Aaron didn't like the workout, too much rest for him I think, so he did his own thing. I really have trouble getting any kind of speed. I want to get faster than 1:30's for 100, but my 50's were barely faster than :43-:44! Ahhh! I could feel a little fatigue from my strength workout last night, but not too bad. I hadn't swam since Sunday, had Monday off, so I should be ready, right?
300wu
200kick
200pull
4x{50 easy on 1:00, 100 hard on 2:00, 100 easy on 2:00, 50 hard on 1:00} last round it was 50 easy instead of 100 easy. Hard 100's were in 1:30, 1:34 (I missed the wall completely on the flip turn...), 1:29, 1:29.
100 easy
500 pull with paddles
200 cd
2650m total

During my lunch break I went to see Dr. Larkin the chiropractor for A.R.T. for my IT band. He said it wasn't nearly as bad as it was back in 2006 when I came in, and that I should heat and ice and repeat which I did tonight. And that after the treatment today, I shouldn't run. But could run tomorrow. So, I called coach and she scheduled the rest of my week assuming I can run easy tomorrow and am good to go the rest of the weekend. I hope so. I think acting quick and taking care of it early was good. Now I just have to stay on top of it.

So, a swim hard tomorrow and easy run tomorrow. Yay! Can't wait to run again.

It was this time last year, when I was able to recognize the unhappiness in my marriage and first even consider for the first time the possibility of it ending. I couldn't even imagine myself doing something like that. I was too scared of what people would think, worried about how I would take care of myself, scared that I would hurt Mark's feelings, scared of being alone. Well, here I am, a year later. I conquered the fears, and the doubts. I still sometimes have to deal with what people think, or worry about taking care of myself. Sometimes I get lonely. And it is hard right now, living life not having that secure idea in my head, even if it was foolish, of how I thought my life was going to turn out. I have no idea how my life is going to turn out. I don't know what it will be like a year from now. And that's a little scary for me. But better that than think I know what it is going to be and have that be a lie.

It has been a long year. I never would have guessed how strong I would have come out of this. I never would have guessed how this last year would have played out.

Super Cautious

I rode my bike 30 mins easy this morning. After foam rolling, then icing my leg with a bag of frozen spinach. Then after, back on the foam roller, and more icing with the spinach. IT band still felt a little funky, but not horrible. Just being super cautious.

Freddy has a Domo calender and stuffed doll at work. It has to hide in the corner of the cube because some people think it is ugly. I love it. I want a Domo stuffed doll. I want one in pink.And a normal one in brown. I like this picture because, well, some people that think Domo is ugly also like cats.
Domo likes Jamba Juice! Just like me!
Anyway...I talked to Jen Harrison after work about my workouts. I was supposed to do track tonight, but still being cautious, so, strength tonight. Hard swim tomorrow, and Esther has agreed to be my partner in crime! Then try to see the A.R.T. doctor, then track if I feel ok, or easy run with the doggies. It is supposed to be nice tomorrow so I am looking forward to running. I was bummed not running today, but there will be plenty of nice days, and health is more important!

Yesterday was my day off training. I had an emotional day. Didn't really want to go to work, but couldn't take anymore days off. Had therapy and the dentist. No migraine, but lots of crying. I'm getting better at knowing what I need to talk about and what has been bothering me. I am looking forward to less drama in my life. Ugh! No drama is good.

Record long post?

You will notice a plethora of pictures in this post. I did a swim meet this morning. None are from that. These are all from my track workout yesterday. Genine and I did a track workout yesterday, and since Matt did a long run in the morning and felt like practicing with the camera, he came out and took pictures of the workout. Over 600. Of us running in circles. Ponytails do some weird things when you run. And I make weird faces.

Yesterday the plan was a hardcore bike/track repeat a bunch workout. Jen H. said I should only do it if I was 99% or better. I wasn't sure, and I figured if I had to wonder, that probably meant I wasn't. I thought I would try my Thursday track workout I had skipped. It was not as rough. I ran 1.5 miles with the dogs. The 1 mile wu with "Black means Business Genine". Then 4x50m strides with 50 m jog. Then 3x{800m in 3:05-3:06 w/ 800m jog}. I was shooting for 10k pace and was supposed to do 5, but on the third, my left IT band started to hurt again. I decided to be cautious and call it good. I walk jogged the 3rd 800 recovery for my cd, then walked back after showing Genine some running drills.

It was hard not to smile when I passed Matt lying on the track taking pictures. He looked funny and a little creepy! Ha!
Hello camera! I can't help smiling at camera's even during a track workout or race. Cheeseball, I know.
Hello again! Didn't I just see you, oh, 400meters ago?
This time I am not looking at the camera! Doh, I still smiled!
Trying to get serious, here...not succeeding.
Crazy ponytail and a serious face! Finally!
Finally getting serious on the 3rd 800.
In some pain on first lap of my last 800 cd, maybe G will walk with me?
The Desperate Housewives power walk for cool down. I'm sure the lacrosse team thought we looked soooo cool.
Bounding, or as I like to call it, Deer Leaps.

So, I got something in, Not a lot, but something. Then I went home after thinking about swimming, for like, 2 mins. Used G's foam roller which she generously lent me. Iced. Watched the Duke game. Napped a little. Watched "My Best Friends Girl" with Kate Hudson and Dane Cook and that guy from American Pie. I like romantic comedies. Nice, predicable, sweet, silly. Good escapism. I don't like thinking so much when I watch a movie. I think most all of the time.

I talked to Joe on his way home from the Y State meet. We talked a little about sports psychology, which is his main career more than swim coaching. It gave me a lot of things to think about as I prepare for the season. I want to look back at my successful and unsuccessful races and see what I can do to lead to success in my goal races this year. I know one problem I have is over thinking. And in the past I have put too much of my self esteem and identity in my performance. Columbia and Black Bear were two of my better races last year. Columbia went well because I was running late and didn't have time to think too much. I was also a little angry. Not sure if I want to be running late, or get in a fight right before my race, but maybe I can find a way to work this into my success equation. Black Bear I think I did well because I didn't care how I did. My goal race was a week away. I was out there because it was a beautiful course and I wanted to race it to enjoy nature, racing with my friends, and having fun which is really the heart of why I am in the sport. So if I can bring that to my goal races, every race actually, I will be successful. He also talked about putting the past behind me. Forgetting what has happened in past races and just focus on the race that you have that day. And it makes sense. Sometimes I hold onto fear from my crash in Philly so I don't pass as aggressively on the bike, or I am scared about getting hypothermia because of Vancouver and Harriman. Those are in the past. I need to prepare for my races with the knowledge that those things can happen, but I shouldn't think about them when I go to race. I start each race fresh.

I set my alarm for 5:15 to get up for my swim meet. The March Madness swim meet. I love March Madness! For basketball that is. Is there really any other kind? Anyway, I hit snooze a bunch, and got up I have no idea when. Still got there in plenty of time. Sunday morning is the best time to drive in NJ. I was in the 2nd heat. I put my seed time at 23:23, which was my time from Rutgers 1500m in Dec. I was very relaxed going in, which was a good feeling. This was a practice, a C race, no big deal, a hard workout, that's it. Just go do it!

I saw some people I knew right away! I must be old hat at this swim meet thing if I know people now! I waited until a few minutes into the first heat until I started my warmup. Just some easy freestyle. I actually lost count of the laps. Maybe 500yrds or so? Then we waited by our blocks. I was lane 2. Next to me, fast girl, seeded around 20 mins, other side, a guy seeded at 27. Interesting. The guy in my lane in heat 1 was 72 years old. He and an 80year old were racing down to the last lap. My guy kicked it in hard to beat him! Go lane 2! We all clapped and I congratulated him on his fast finished. He climbed out of the pool (no ladder for him!) and said "What was my time?!" He did 32:--. He was so excited because he thought he was going to do a 34 or something. It was cool to see.

I haven't dove off the blocks in awhile, but, I just felt calm. It was low key. I got up there, take your marks, off I go! It seemed like a good start to me! No belly smacker or anything and I seemed to go pretty far. To me, that's a good start. I tried to stay relaxed and smooth. I chanted--just-re-lax, long-and-strong, just-keep-swimming, sup-er-star (I was wearing my superstar suit because I didn't get my new ones). I hit the 550 around 8 mins, halfway around 12 (it was hard to tell because the clock was in the middle of the lane), 1100 around 16 and finished in 24:04. I tried to swim the last 200 hard, especially the last 50. I had one yard pool mishap--I got too close to the end one time and couldn't flip turn because I zoned out and took too many strokes. Whoops, I'm not in the meter pool! Other than that, it went well. I had a killer headache at the end. I wanted a hot shower. Nope. I guess you can't expect much from a middle school locker room. Kids probably don't shower there anyway. Nice pool for a middle school though.

I was supposed to do a 2 hour bike today too. I took a nap after my swim. When I woke up, my IT band felt stiff. And I was cranky. I went to the pool and swim 1400m of drills. Then did 1 hour of strength and stretching. Then I got a massage.

I went to the grocery store afterwards and yes, of course, I bought cupcakes. All you camp people out in AZ with your cupcake booty calls have been driving me crazy. Every time I stop thinking about cupcakes, a mention of cupcakes or a picture of cupcakes or something appears. So I got my cupcakes, I don't care what's in them, I don't am not thinking about where there are going.

When I got out of the store there was a mean note on my car. It said "Hey Idiot, Learn How to Park!" Yeah, I was parked crooked, but I was all in my space. It does not warrant leaving a mean note. I am not an idiot. In fact, there's a 99.99% chance, I'm smarter than the jerk who left the note and he/she is in fact the idiot. If some fat ass couldn't fit into there car, too bad, or had to park further away because they couldn't park in the absolute closest spot, I don't care. It bugs me that they whatever my parking job did to inconvenience them then was worthy of them taking time to write a note (which was scribbled in very childish handwriting I might add, and not in the lines IDIOT!). Thanks for putting your crap on me loser. Just because you are having a bad day, does not mean you need to spread it around. It's contagious. Arggh! It just bugs me that I live around such jerks. You know what I have done when someone parks their car and I can't open my door and fit in? I go to the other side and climb into the drivers seat. And I never think of writing mean notes. Ugh! Sometimes I hate people. Not all of them, just the really annoying ones.

Enough about bad stuff. Here are some things to get excited about:

• March Madness is here!!!!!
• Galen Rupp won the 5k, 3k and was on the winning Distance medley relay at NCAA Indoor Nationals leading the Oregon men to the title!
  
• Duke won the ACC tournament!
  
• My new swimsuits should be here any day
• This may just set a record for my longest post ever
  
• I have a rest day tomorrow and I am no longer an exerciseaholic who hates these, I love them!

Sign me up!

Yesterday I woke up and felt overwhelmed. So, I decided, instead of getting up and going to work like I do everyday because I know thing have to get done and there are always deadlines overhead, I took a personal day. Because there are things that I have been putting off that I have needed to do for a long time because I have been putting the needs of work first and I have been tired and stressed when I get home and I feel like it is hard for me to function this way anymore.

So, I got to work. Cleaning out the closets, filling up some bags with things that Mark had left behind when he moved out and that he still had not taken when I asked him to come and move them. I couldn't have these things staring at me every day. It made me feel angry. Like I was not being respected. And I couldn't just sit here, hoping, someday, he would come and take them. He wasn't going to do that. I can't wait for people to do the right thing, to take care of me. I have to look out for myself. Do what I need to do for myself.

I did some bathroom cleaning, got rid of some of my old clothes, some kitchen cleaning, recycling, dishes, went through and sorted the mail, played with and walked the dogs, cleaned up a lot of frito's carpet shredding mess from the office incident on Thursday, and signed up for 5 triathlons.

What did I sign up for you ask? Well, I've already been talking about these races, I just hadn't signed up, because I hadn't taken the time. So here we are:

First A race of the year--Jerseyman Sprint, should be a great race! WHO'S RACING? Nice and local! I've raced at the venue at Spruce Run for the Skylands Triathlon in 2004, 2005 and 2008. Cooper highly recommends it for the swimming! It is one of his favorite places.I love it because it is beautiful, the water is nice, there are some hills, and it is close!
Here's a happy Maija after winning 25-29 in 2005 even though my chip fell off and I had to wait in transition for 2 mins to get a new one.

The start of a swim wave.

Running strong to pass some people to finish off the relay at Skylands 2008 for KB2!

Lots of good memories racing out at Spruce Run. And come May 9, I plan to have an awesome race at Jerseyman to make some more great memories.

Black Bear Sprint--oh so pretty out there, and 2nd overall 2x, maybe this year will be my year...Here's me up on the podium with 1st place Beth and third place Nancy.

Mooseman International--Party up at Matt and Genine's cabin in NH!!!

Philly Women's Tri--my first all women's race!

Chicago Olympic Triathlon--another big one!!!

I'm glad I got signed up and I can think about other things.

And as you all can see, Jen Harrison's excessive exclamation mark use must be rubbing off on me.

Anyway, my IT band is still a little tight but not as bad. I am being super cautious. I did the planned 45 min bike I had yesterday. It was easy, just single leg stuff and high cadence. I iced, stretched, took a warm bath, massaged with the stick. I am going to be cautious today and not do the crazy bike-track-bike-track-bike-track....workout planned. Another day perhaps. I am going to run though. I haven't run since Sunday. We'll see. I think biking is aggravating it.

I tried calling my chiropractor/ART doctor yesterday and he was at a conference all week. So I will try to get in next week. I thought about trying someone new...but no, don't want to.

"Yesterday I dared to struggle. Today I dare to win."-Bernadette Devlin

A Bad Day

I had a bad day. I guess the last week or so has been rough. Maybe the last year? There have been ups and downs I suppose. Today was one of those days.

I made it to the pool this morning to meet Esther to swim. Aaron swam with us too. I was happy I almost made it there on time. This week and in general for the last year or so, that is hard for me. I did my warm up on my own and then Esther joined me for the main set. Aaron joined us for some of it, maybe? It helped a lot having her there to swim with and we kept a similar pace for most of the intervals. Afterwards we stretched and did abs with the medicine balls.
200 swim
200 pull
8x50-25 stroke IM order, 25 free
10x200 descend on 3:40 for 1, 2, 3:30 for 3, 4, 3:25 for 5,6, 3:20 for 7, 8 on 3:15 for 9, 10
100 cd
The 200's we did 3:20 for the first 2, then 3:10-3:15 for all except there was one at 3:06 in there, I just don't remember where...too much to keep track off. It was hard, especially being so tired, but I'm glad I did it. Not part of the bad day.

I got to work and had trouble focusing. I just felt tired. My IT band was aching. I had trouble studying. I just felt frustrated with some things going on. In the afternoon Mark emailed me and brought up that I hadn't dropped off the papers at the lawyer yet. We had to discuss a financial issue we were leaving out of the contract before I wanted to turn it in. I got upset at work. I have asked him not to contact me there anymore because I get upset. He does not respect my wishes. He never has. I ended up having to leave work mid afternoon. Because I couldn't stop crying. So, I called him at his office and brought up the situation I needed to discuss and got into a long argument with him. I have never argued like that with him before. He still may not respect my wishes, but I turned in the paperwork. I want it done and over. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I have to many other things to think about.

When I got home from the lawyers office, I heard Frito crying. Not a good sign. Cooper greeted me at the door. More crying from Frito. Oh no. He must be locked in the office again. This happened a few months ago. It is traumatic for him and he also tore up the carpet and scratched the door. This time, he really did a number on it. I don't know how he gets in there. He loves that room. It is sunny and warm and he likes to go in there to lie in the sunny spots. But the door swings closed and then he freaks out because he is trapped. I went to let him out and couldn't open the door. The carpet was so torn up it was piled up against the door. A lot of carpet. And the carpet pad. Down to the concrete. So bad that it has to be replaced. I can't get by with it like I had been with the slight damage before. I wasn't mad at Frito. He was just following his instincts. It was just a bad situation. I felt bad that he was so scared all day. That I had to replace the flooring. I just wanted to curl up in bed and not get up for a few days. I took a nap. That helped. Frito curled up with me.

I didn't end up running tonight. My IT band is really feeling funny. My friends Matt and Genine took me out to dinner at one of my favorite places, the Time to Eat Diner, and I got grilled cheese, fries, and hot chocolate. I am lucky I have such nice friends to do these things for me and listen to me gripe when I am down.

Genine is also my Super Cookie Baking friend. This is us at my birthday party with the bunny cookies she made for me. She is so thoughtful and considerate.
This is Matt and I after the tango half marathon. A big moment for him and a fun time for all 3 of us (G was biking at the time!). I realized, I'm not sure I have a picture with all of us together. Because one of them is always taking the photos.

I do feel lucky that I had friends to talk to today. Esther was there for me right as I left the lawyers office and when I discovered the Frito mess. Then Matt was there to chat. Then Joe was there to talk for awhile. Then Genine. Then dinner with Matt and Genine. It was one of those days where I really didn't want to be home alone. Some times its good to just spend time alone to reflect. Today, I needed people. And I am so lucky I had some good ones.

"No day is so bad it can't be fixed with a nap."-Carrie P. Snow

"Tough times never last, but tough people do."-Robert H. Schuller

"The measure of success is not whether you have a tough problem to deal with, but whether it is the same problem you had last year."-John Foster Dulles

Yucky

I feel yuck. Just yuck. I finished swimming today, but I felt so tired. It didn't feel easy, it was supposed to be easy. My stomach hurt at work all day from stress. I couldn't eat lunch til after 2 when my stomach pains started to go away. I headed to the pool after work because I'm still having trouble with this daylight savings thing. I am attempting to meet Esther there tomorrow morning. Yikes!

So, I get there, only one lane open, next to the wall. Okay, usually kids in here, but none right now, so I'm ok. Swim awhile, then SMACK, the lady next to me swim right into me to move over for a kid. When did this turn into the kiddie lane? I guess I should have paid attention to when the kids started jumping in. What I don't get is why, when we have an entire kiddie pool, there is a lane designated for family swim. It would be one thing if the parents were in there with them, but in this case they weren't.

Anyway, so I move over, no biggie. I swim for awhile, swim is taking forever! More lap swimmers...then I am about to finish a 50 and I look up to see some old guy with trunks and it looks like he is about to pull his shorts down. Ewww! I flip on accident (instinct of get me out of here!) then realize it was supposed to be a 50 and stop. Weird old guy looks at me like I am the weird one. I swim a few more. Then the old guy that swims really funky super slow freestyle and elementary backstroke wants to circle swim. I miss my interval. I just want to finish this freakin workout with out hitting every lane in the pool. No more interruptions! And I don't want to circle swim with people who swim 3x slower than me!

So I say yes, get in, and go circle swim with the people that are more closely matched to my pace. Ugh. Just let me finish this god forsaken workout! Moving into that lane was more motivating because there was one fast guy and one that was slower but who seemed like he thought he should be faster than me. So I got it done.
This is what it was:
300wu
2x{5x100 pull on 2:00 (did first 2 pull, 3 swim controlled kick because I was getting too cold)}
2x{200 on 3:30, 4x50 on 1:00 kick w/ fins}
200 scull while kicking
4x50 on :65 kick no fins
3x{100 on 2:00 (easy), 6x50 on 1:00 moderately hard}
100 cd
3800m

No wonder that felt hard! That's a lot. It's the first time I added it up.

The fatigue is just starting to add up. Yesterday I didn't get up in time to run. And I had a long stressful day at work. Then, during my hard bike ride, I felt my left IT band start to twinge a bit. Now it all just aches. I kept going on the workout. And stretched it out well. Couldn't find "The Stick" to massage it with, but did what I could. Maybe my body knew it was a good idea not to run? The bike workout was good other than the IT band pain. I did some high cadence intervals and some bigger gear intervals but still with high cadence. Some were standing and I thought for sure my quads were going to explode. In a good way. I think.

So, I fell off the training wagon. I skipped an easy run. But I did the important workout for Tuesday, which was the bike ride.

I need to focus on keeping on track, staying rested, keeping my IT band healthy, staying destressed, and relaxing.

I feel like I've been a little to triathlon centered lately. I think when my training kicks up, and when the season gets closer, it is easy to get that way. I just want to make sure I take time to do other fun things and think about things other than training and races.

Where's Maija?

Sort of like Where's Waldo, only slightly less geeky. You know you race a lot when you can't remember what year this is from. Was it the inaugural fall Bassman when I won and got stung by the swarm of wasps? Or was it Spring 2007, when I finally got over my fear of going to south jersey and returned to race and got third because I was no longer an uber biker and it really is a bikers race. I know it wasn't 2008, I remember what I wore. I looked through photos, it must have been 2007. I didn't even submit that photo. I ended up right next to Matt. Pretty funny!
Anyway, enough of that. It is exactly 2 months until the NJ BOUS qualifier Jersyman Sprint! 2 months seems long. And short. It will be here before I know it. My legs are super tired. My swim this morning was, ahh, so so. To be expected. I did my best. I remember Joe always saying and recently saying you need to push through the soreness and fatigue and do the workouts anyway. I wanted to skip part of the workout so bad today. But I didn't. I focused on the effort and not the time today.
500 sw, 200 kick, 300 pull wu
4x{100 on 1:40, 200 free, 100 back} 100's were in 1:32-1:36, but the 200's dropped off to 3:20's when normally I would have held the pace better. That showed my fatigue.
8x50 on 1:05-25 sighting, 25 2 breath per length (breath control is sooo much harder at the end of the workout!)
100cd
3100m total

Therapy today was good. I find a lot of parallels between problems I faced in my marriage and things I deal with in my everyday life--my job, my friendships. So as I grow and change, I have opportunities to take different paths than maybe I once would have taken.

"Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely."-Karen Kaiser Clark

Finishing off the week

First off, I had 3 different times going this morning. That is not right. It should be 2 at the most on daylight savings. I was really confused about what time it was. I had the old time, the right time, and an obviously wrong time. I hate losing the hour. But I love having more daylight in the evening. But I hate having less daylight in the morning. Why can't they just stop messing with things?

I had a productive day. Cleaning, bill paying, rest, studying, swimming, grocery shopping, rest, and running. Not too bad. I finished the week doing all of my training. Mostly. As best I could.

I printed out my swim workout today. I swear, I put it in my bag. I would not be at all surprised it a little paper shredder by the name of Frito went into my bag and took it out and was going to shred/eat it, but never got around to it, because something more interesting came along. When I got back from the pool, I found it lying on the bed. Did I leave it there? It is Frito's favorite place to run with "treasure". Anyway, so I did my best to remember. I did ok. I like the workout that was planned better than my attempt to remember it.
400 wu
4x175 w/ :15 rest kick w/ fins hard last 25
300-250-200-150-100-50, 1:00 break, 50-100-150-200-250-300 all on 1:50/100 interval
200 cd

I really can't go to Wegmans on a Sunday afternoon post swim anymore. I am hungry, it is crowded, people are slow and they get in my way! I started off in the fruit and veggies section. Easy to do, it is right in the front and I like it, especially the fruit. Then, the cupcakes started to talk to me. Come over here. Check us out. So, I did. And they looked good. So I bought a 4 pack of cute St. Patricks day cupcakes. Because I don't think they sell just one there. Then bread, cheese, yogurt, milk, juice, frozen fruit, EASTER CANDY! I do need to buy some jelly beans since I am one of the main people consuming the jelly beans at work. So I will buy them for the jelly bean dish at work. Should I buy a bag of mini Snickers too? NO! Don't! Then the rest of the healthy food. Of course I always hit up the ice cream aisle on the way out. And then, the long awaited Snickers bar. No jumbo sized ones. But they do have Almond Snickers. Even better! I put it on the belt first, so I can eat it right away, I hope they ask if I want it in the bag or not. The guy in line in front of my is staring at it longingly. Then he starts touching it. I think he is trying to move it over to his side. Don't you dare buddy, I will ram you with my cart, just watch me. He keeps touching it. Seriously dude, hands off, for germs sake, what is your problem. Finally he has to pay and leaves my Snickers alone. Poor Snickers bar.

Of course the checker buries the precious Snickers in my bag. So, I am trying to rush out of the store to eat it because I am starving! But everyone is walking soooooo slow. Unload groceries into the car finally. Where is the Snickers? Where? Finally after squishing my bread and cupcakes, I found it. And it was the best thing I ever tasted. Then I had a cupcake when I got home. And then a small bowl of cereal, because that was sort of nutritious.

I still had a run to do. A little time to digest and, here we go. Gotta do it. We saw a bunny on a leash and Frito didn't even look at it. Cooper wanted to go say hi. They must have thought it was a dog. I ran a couple miles with both dogs, then Frito and I ran to the park and got muddy running on the trails. We got chased by a collarless little dog, who was probably from the house with the sign that said "Beware of Dog". I yelled at him to go home when he kept running with us. Finally, he listened. I felt sorry for him. His owners probably never took him running. Or probably even walking much. I dropped Frito off 1:15 into the run and then picked up Cooper. He had an extra pep in his step and was ready to go! It was a good finish to the 90 min run.

So the week is done and it feels good to stay on the training schedule. Another tough week ahead and a swim meet this Sunday in Princeton.

Got Snickers?

Yeah, that was me. You know, the idiot you saw out riding yesterday without a helmet. Let me explain. I always wear my helmet. Well, I guess now 99.9% of the time now. It was my first outdoor ride since October. It was 60 degrees out and the temperature was climbing to 70. Note, on Monday, we had a "snowstorm" and stayed home from work. I was talking on the phone with Esther while I packed up my car. Apparently packing a helmet slipped my mind. Maybe because I haven't been wearing a helmet for the last few months on the indoor trainer. I got to the Y and met Matt, Genine, and Todd after taking care of divorce stuff and realized no helmet. I didn't want to drive all the way home. I drive too much as it is. Was is a possibly stupid and risky decision. Yes. Did I get yelled at by a pack of cyclists for not wearing a helmet. Yes. Should they mind their own business and not tell other people what to do? Yes.

So we did a 2.5 hour ride. My head felt naked. It is weird riding without a helmet. I was much more cautious on downhills, about cars and all. It was a great ride other than the fact that my gearing was messed up and my chain jammed into my gears and it took a group effort to fix it. Thank goodness Todd and Matt were along. I had shorts and a long sleeve jersey and I was roasting. I really wish that I wore a short sleeve! We rode from the Y to Bedminster township then through Tewksbury township up Bissel Rd. which is a long hard climb, and then down into Mountainville, up Hill and Dale Rd, through Oldwick, and then back down into Bedminster township before returning to Bridgewater. It was full of hills and horse farms, great views, streams, mixes of old homes and new mansions. One of my favorite rides.

My legs felt good. They were a little tired at first, especially when we started the climb up Bissel. Then they loosened up and I started thinking all the big gear intervals and lunges and squats and maybe, just maybe even those darn dead lifts may have been worth it. I had a a banana and 3 scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast. A gu before and 2 gus during the ride. Around 1.5-2 hours in, I got really sleepy. Closing my eyes sleepy. Wait, not on the trainer, can't close my eyes! And then hungry. I WANT A SNICKERS BAR! So I turned to Matt who apparently had food for 30 people and said "Do you have a snickers bar in your pocket?" I think it came out sounding like a pickup line...Esther and I had been making up joke pickup lines the night before.
He then proceeded to offer a menu of different items, as did Genine. I took a Fiber one bar with chocolate and marshmallows. It was not a Snickers. But it got me back. I thought about getting a Snickers the last 20-30 mins of the ride. Snickers! Snickers! Snickers!

I went into the Y ready to attack the vending machine. Must...have...Snickers. I scanned the machine 10 times over. And exclaimed, "You've got to be kidding me! What kind of vending machine doesn't have Snickers?" Nothing in there could even come close to a Snickers. I stretched out and did some abs and then went to meet Esther at Panera. I got a pastry with my lunch. Still not a Snickers.

I have a 90 min run and a swim today. And a trip to the grocery store. Maybe I will get my Snickers. One of the giant sized ones. I have worked hard this week. I deserve it!

Long and a little cranky

So, the last few days have been interesting, challenging, hard. I got all my training done. Somehow. And I am very happy with myself for it. On Thursday, the track had ice and snow on it in the morning. So I slept in and planned to do a treadmill run after work.

Work was a tough day for me. I had a meeting with my boss to hear my raise and bonus. Here's some background info. 2 times a year, as an actuary, I have exams. When I pass an exam, I get an automatic raise. Most actuaries at my level get a good amount of study time at work and are given reasonable hours to accommodate the large amounts of study necessary to pass the exams. Last year was extremely busy as we were a new company. I didn't get the study time I needed in the spring because I was asked to come in Saturdays for 2 months, and often had to work late, sometimes until 9pm. I didn't pass my exam. I didn't get anywhere near the study hours I needed at work much less have time or energy to study when I got home. In the fall, when we were asked to start working Saturdays again, I decided not to take my exam. I took a hit to my career progress and a shot a guaranteed raise to do work for the company. To work as a team. To do something for them. When my boss told me my raise/bonus and I didn't feel adequately compensated, I immediately started to tear up. Stop it! I told myself. Don't cry at work. I couldn't help it. I looked away. Tried to gather myself. I couldn't. After all I had done, I felt insulted. I had told recruiters calling me for jobs at other companies that I wasn't interested because I was happy with this job. Had I focused on my exams and not busting my ass for the company, I would have more automatically. Did what I did mean nothing? Did I have no value to them? So, my boss and I had a long talk, 30 mins or so. He said he had asked for more, but with the new large corporate structure it is hard to figure out. I think he appreciated that I talked about it instead of just saying I was ok with it. I went back to my desk and cried and tried to keep it together the rest of the day.

I really wanted to say screw the workout, maybe I'll do it tomorrow, easy run instead. Just go to bed. But I remembered I made a commitment to do my workouts. So Matt came out and ran on the track with me in the dark. It was partially covered with ice and snow and I realized I forgot my watch. So we ran down the football field on one side, and then out in lane 2/3 on the other. Pretty much whatever didn't have ice/snow. I don't know if I could have done it without Matt. I warmed up 2 miles with the doggies at home, then 1 mile or so, 4 strides, then 200-400-600-800-1000-800-600-400-200 with 100ish-200-400-400-600-400-200-200 jog rests, then maybe .75 mile cd. I felt like I was running fast. Shooting for 5:20-6:00 pace depending on the interval. But who knows. Next week, the track should be clear and I will remember my watch. I ran my guts out. I ran hard down the football field pretending I was running for a touchdown. I was toast at the end. I stretched at the Y, the headed home for a 30 min spin. Then ordered 3 new swimsuits.



I had the "Fast Bunny" one already, but I love that one. It makes me want to swim fast. I signed up for a swim meet in Princeton for next Sunday. Just for the 1650yrds. Not sure which one I will race in.

I was up too late on Thursday, kinda wired after my workout, and was super tired on Friday morning. No run. Got to work, just wanted to get through the day. Had a meeting for the whole company where they announce promotions. Somehow I end up sitting next to the CEO with the whole group facing towards me. As they announce them, I'm like, I never had a promotion when I became the corporate actuary, just more work. Where was my promotion? So I'm sitting there, trying not to cry, listening to the CEO say how he appreciates all the hard work we do. I just wanted out of here before I start crying in front of everyone. So I went back to my desk and tried to shove down the tears, this was not the time or place. I just felt under apprecitated, forgotten. Then I went to meet with the chief actuary to discuss some work, and he asked me to close the door. Oh shit. I started to cry almost immediately. But it was a good talk. I was able to explain why I was upset and express what I needed and needed to do for myself. I do feel like I am appreciated by the people I work directly with.

So, kinda of a crummy Friday, then I wanted to stick to my workout plan. I forgot my workout printout for swim, and so couldn't stop on my way home. Oh yeah, and I forgot my purse at home in the morning. I was all out of whack. So I went home and ran 45 mins easy with the dogs. Thinking and occasionally crying along the way. Then a snack, and cleaning. Then off to the pool with Matt and Genine. For an easy swim. I didn't find the swim to be terribly engaging. I didn't want to do it. i thought about getting out a couple times midway. But I did it all, right down to the last 50. I felt good that I did it.
400 wu
4x100 pull w/ 3-5-3-7 breathing
5x(25 streamline kick, 50 catch&fingertip drag, 75-fr,bk,fr}
10x100 on 2:00 "thoughtful swimming"
100 back
9x50 minimize stroke count
3100m

I have to do another piece of divorce paperwork. I guess the court kicked back our documents. I think it was Mark's lawyer's fault. Because she was too busy talking about her stupid wedding instead of doing her job. Sorry, I think she is a moron. And she spent an 30 mins of an hour talking about her wedding. We're getting divorced, even if we are nice and pretending like we are interested, we don't want to hear about your stupid wedding! Sorry, I just felt like ranting.

And I will be headed out for my first outdoor bike ride since October. I am a little nervous. But excited to actually go somewhere and get outside.

Wetsuits and sleepiness

This is what I felt like this morning. Don't make me get out of bed. I don't want to get up.
I've come to realize that the sound of my alarm makes we want to go back to sleep. I've trained myself to think that when I hear it, it is time to sleep for a few more mins. Must look into changing that. So, I didn't make it to the pool as planned this morning. But, no fear, I did get my swim in. I went after work. It wasn't too crowded either. I swam pretty well considering that my legs feel like they weigh 100lbs each. They are super tired.
warm up-200sw, 200back/br, 200kick, 200pull
2x300 w/ :10 rest in 4:45 and 4:50?
2x400 breath every 5 on the first, every 3 (normal) on the second :15 rest, normally breathing every 5 isn't too hard for me, but today it was. Maybe because my legs being tired?
2x150 w/:20 rest in ?? I think it was around 1:35 pace
2x100 :25 rest in 1:32, 1:33
2x75 w/:30 rest in 1:10, 1:06
2x50 w/:30 in :45's (i don't know why, I must just try to hard on these, I swim faster 50 splits on my longer swims than on my "fast" 50's)
4x25 w/:15 rest in :18-:20
100 cd
3150m total

I still have to do my strength work. I'll get it done. I don't want 'extra sassy' Jen Harrison to come all the way from Chicago and kick my butt.

Yesterday, I got an email from her saying YOU ARE A ROCK STAR! It had a link to this. I am getting really pumped up to race at the Jerseyman Triathlon in May. I really liked racing the NJ State triathlon course, but it didn't suit my abilities as well being so flat. And it was never wetsuit legal. Jerseyman will definitely be wetsuit legal, has some hills, and is still close by (even closer!) so I can do some practice rides out there. They actually host some practice rides once the weather warms up. I think that is more for the half iron though.

Yesterday was a long long day. Part of why it was hard to get up this morning. I did my swim in the morning. It went well.
200 sw, 200 kick for wu
4x100-25 fist drill, 25 sw, 25 fingertip drag, 25 swim on 2:15
4x100 on 1:50 w/ 25 easy, 75 hard
4x75 on 1:30 25 sprint, 50 easy (yes!)
16x50 on :60 sprinting or going easy at different parts of the length
4x50 on :65 sprint in :41-:44
4x50 on :60 race pace in :43-:45
100 cd

I was stressed out at work and then got some bad news from Esther that made me feel like I got punched in the stomach. I felt horrible for her and had a tough time going through my day.

Freddy and I carpooled to work which was fun! We are going to try to do that a few days a week.

After work I had a hard bike ride to do. Warmup then 4x7.5min interval at a good cadence and hr. My legs were tired going in, I guess from the track meet and so that made it extra hard to get my hr up to where it needed to be. My legs were dying and I would look at my hr and it would say 140. Are you kidding me? AHHHHH! So I would pedal harder and harder until my little legs were going to fall off until my hr finally started getting up towards the magical 160 I was shooting for.

Then I had a long talk with Esther and I had a hard time sleeping.

My plan didn't work out perfectly. I didn't get up early like I wanted. But I still got it done. And I'm glad I did that.

My friend Genine is buying her first wetsuit because she is doing her first triathlon this year! She is going to be great! She mentioned that she thought that the wetsuit would make her feel strong and svelte but once she tried on the wetsuit didn't think so. Really? Genine will look strong and svelte in her wetsuit because she is a strong confident woman.

I love my wetsuit. I feel like catwoman in it. When I put it on, I feel strong and confident, I know I am ready to race. I think if you want to feel sexy in your wetsuit then you do. And if you don't, you don't. It's up to you. And that's how it goes for every thing. I think how we look has a lot to do with how we carry ourselves and feel about ourselves.

If we want to look good we do, not by putting on the nicest things, but by showing what comes from inside. Hey, guess what? I like me, I like they way I look, in a swim suit, or a t shirt and pjs, or all dressed up. I like the way I look, just for me. And I don't need anyone else to tell me whether or not I look good to determine if I feel good or if I am beautiful. That comes from me.

Sticking with it

2nd day of March, so far, I'm still doing my training schedule. I woke up this morning and saw snow. Lots of it. I opened the door and had trouble getting it open from the snow. I called the office and it was closed due to "inclement weather". Snow day! Good, I didn't want to run yet, the sidewalks weren't shoveled. I really really wanted to ask Coach if I could switch to a trainer ride. But is so windy and the snow is so deep. The problem is, she is from Chicago. And I just told myself I was going to stick to my plan. What, I can't make it a day? Seriously? I grew up in Michigan for petes sake! So, eventually, by the afternoon, I got my princess butt out the door with my 2 little dogs to do a 50 min run on some hills. See, not so bad. And I felt good, because I stuck to the plan.

The schedule gets a little tougher in the next few days. Thankfully, my lunch is still packed and my clothes still ironed for tomorrow now!

I did have to venture out to therapy today. Last week I felt great leaving, today not as much. I had a migraine all day actually. Part of why it was hard to get out and run. I still have difficulty having my voice heard in all of the relationships that I have. Even now with my marriage over, it seems some of the friendships I have formed I don't feel like my voice is heard at times. And it is hard for me to realize this with all the work I have done, that I am finding myself in the same place in what I thought were healthy friendships. So I have an opportunity to learn how to be heard and to learn to communicate or to figure out if a friendship is worth continuing.

I also have been feeling excited about the race season. I have a good perspective on things this year. My self esteem isn't tied up in my performance, but I have goals and am much better focused now. Most of the pain of the divorce is behind me and while I plan to continue to go to therapy, I think things will continue to get easier. And mentally and physically I will get stronger. And now that I have addressed some of my emotional issues, I will be ready to be at my best.

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~Dr. Seuss

"Wherever you go, go with all your heart." ~Confucius

"What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us." ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." ~Judy Garland

March Goals

It's March. Already. Wow. What was I doing the first 2 months of the year? My first "real" race is in less than 8 weeks. By real I mean triathlon. I am referring to St. Anthony's triathlon in St. Petersburg, FL. I best be in shape for that. Some serious competition there, and I plan to be one of those serious competitors. Not long after that, triathlon season kicks into full swing with the Best of the US qualifier in Clinton, NJ at the Jerseyman sprint and the Columbia Triathlon in MD the next weekend. And my actuarial exam 4 sandwiched in between on Thursday, May 14th. March and April are get down to business months.

I have some goals for March.

• Complete the workouts in my schedule, as written, on the days assigned.
• Iron my work clothes, prepare my workout gear, and pack my lunch/2nd breakfast/snacks every evening so that mornings are easier for me to get going quickly
• No more snooze button, not even 5 mins, because 5 mins always turns into 30.
• Finish through Section III of my study guide by the end of March and review Sections I-III
• Take my 1 hour of study time every day at work and study an additional 15 hours a week at home.
• Buy new swimsuits to motivate faster swimming :)

I already ironed my clothes. I just have to prepare my lunch and lay out my running clothes for tomorrow mornings run.

I started March off well with a good swim today. My legs are sore. I am a little sore in my upper body as well. I met Matt, Genine, and Paul at the pool in the afternoon. I did the warmup on my own and they joined me for the main set.
300 w/ drill
200 pull using kickboard instead of pb focusing on rotation and keeping my head down so my legs didn't sink, using my lats to pull, high elbow, sculling, all that stuff
6x50-kick-fly down, flutter back
2{3x200 on 3:45 descend, 400 pull} I did the 200's in 3:15, 3:09, and then 3:14 (I was getting faster then Paul hit me. Swimming with Paul and Matt is good open water swimming practice. One of them is always bound to hit you hard in passing at some point.) Second round I got slow, my lats were tired from pull...3:23, 3:19, then 3:06.
100 cd back and breast
3000m total

Afterwards I did lots of much needed stretching and some ab stuff.

I went to the grocery store afterwards and ended up spending $100.79. Ok, that did include dog food, poopy bags, and breath busters for the dogs, but still! At least $85 of food for me. Only one indulgence of Cookie Dough Frozen Yogurt. The rest was healthy stuff like fruits and veggies, eggs, milk, cereal, yogurt, soup, pasta, bread. I am stocked up for the week. And hopefully then some.

USATFNJ Indoor Track Meet Race Report

I raced at the USATFNJ Indoor Track Meet yesterday. All in all it went pretty well for my first race of 2009.

The good news:

• people think I look like I am in high school or college
• people think I look like I am going to be fast in the 800
• my hip numbers stayed on for almost a full lap
• I can run faster for the first 800 of my 3000 than in the actual 800 and still finish the 3000
  
• the port o johns didn't tip over even though they were shaking
  
• even with essentially no speed work, I can still bust out a decent pace

The bad news:

• people think I look like I am in high school or college
• my 800 was a little too close to the finish of the 3000 and I think I used up all my energy in the first 800 of the 3000
• I'm pretty sure I was one of the only people there that was completely unprepared to run fast, ie, no speed work
• port o johns at an indoor track meet--what's wrong with this picture???
• I had positive splits, and that does not feel so positive on the legs!

So, here is the detailed recap. I got there with an hour to go before my event. I felt pretty calm. I had a plan of what I was going to do for the 3000. I was going to run :45's per lap until 800 to go, then try to push my pace faster. Would've been a good plan. I'm not used to racing track. I did 10 mins of easy jogging. Then stretched. Then went to the infield and did strides and jogging and stretching. Probably 10 or more mins of running and more stretching. We were running behind. Darn 60m! I think there were 8 of us in the 3000. I was seeded #2. Yikes. Behind a 10th grader from DE. A tiny thin girl that made me look like a big muscle woman. Seriously. I took a Gu maybe 30 mins before and was shaking from the caffeine and nerves and sugar. I was ready to go. I slapped my hip numbers on and number on my left shoulder and nervously waited.

We all lined up and the gun went off. HS girl shot out fast. I found myself in second. I was far behind her but still ahead of everyone. First lap done in :39. Whoops. I felt ok, and tried to just keep my turnover good and get back to my pace. 400 in 83. I don't remember the 800, I think it was 2:50. Around that time, a girl had moved up behind me. I could hear her behind me, hear people cheering for her. I stayed on my pace, stayed relaxed and focused on keeping my turnover high. We went through the 1600 in under 6:00, maybe 5:58 or so. On the backstretch she passed. I tucked in behind her. She was not getting away. I ran so close to her at times I almost stepped on her. With 800 to go, I knew I should pass her if I wanted to beat her. I didn't have a whole lot of confidence in my ability to hold the pace or sprint. With the right training I would have. In hindsight, I should have just gone for it, I suppose the worst that could have happened is that she would have just passed me back. She ended up kicking with 200 to go, and I tried to respond, and had nothing, as I expected. I finished in 11:27, which was still good, but with good pacing I could have run faster.

I learned how important it is to not let other people dictate my race and that I need to stick with my plan. And that once I get my proper training in, it will be easier to do this. I also learned that I should just go for it and not be worried about what might happen. I can't save it until the final kick, because compared to most people, I don't have one. I also need to get on the track and do speed work. Lots of it.

I had a quick port o john break and then did some jogging and then, are those girls getting ready for the 800? They don't look like 200m runners, crap! So, I had to get over and get ready for the 800. Still red faced from the 3000. One girl asked, "Didn't you just race the 3000?" Yup!
The 800, was interesting. I was in the slow heat. Hip number on, shoulder number on, line up, GO! OMG, my legs!!!!! First lap, :38. Ok. I am way behind first 3 girls. Then old woman passes me. And elbows me! Oh no she di-int! It's not like we're in a big pack here honey. You are going down! Lactic acid city, but I am beating elbows, no matter what. I don't know the rest of the times, they were bad, it was survival. I got a second wind on the last lap. Must pass elbow lady! She even moved out to the right as I was trying to pass her, cutting me off. I passed her and finished around 2:50 or so. I will run around those times or hopefully faster for repeats in the spring. But, it was done. A good workout, and not too shabby for Feb.

I was coughing a bit and had awhile to wait for the 1500m. I decided to call it a day and go home to rest. I ended up going to sleep at 6pm and sleeping all night!