Just be

No I'm not dead. I have just felt like I was dying for the last few days. And not really felt like blogging about training or life. I could have wrote and wrote and people would have read it I am sure...but blahhhhhhhh! Anyway. Back to me, and my life and what I am up to and things I can control.

I am finally sort of feeling better. I went to work today and felt pretty miserable most of the day. Not as bad as the last few days, but it is pretty questionable about whether or not my brain came along with me. I think I made at least 20 trips to the bathroom to pee. At least. And only ate some soft pretzel for lunch. We were after 5pm and I am wondering when they are going to cut us loose. They wanted us to stay for a staff meeting. I needed to know, because I was starting to feel faint. Oh yeah, I didn't really eat. Lindsay, one of my coworkers points out, "We need to feed Maija." She nicely gives me a Kashi bar. I don't know what was in that thing. We went into the meeting. First I was close to vomiting. They made me sit by the door, just in case. Then I got the shakes. After I left work I started to feel ok. I talked to Matt on the way home and asked, hey, should I swim as I neared the exit for the pool--the advice, try it out and see how you feel. That did the trick! I got in and swam and did 1500m not hard, quite easy (this is actually my Tuesday workout...) but, after I was done, I felt very good. Kashi bar+swim was quite magic. Or maybe just 2 days of antibiotics finally kicked in.

Anyway, I hope it continues. I cant handle the aches and the stabbing abdominal pains and what not. I am a sissy.

Yesterday I left the house in the late afternoon/evening. I swam and then went to therapy and went to the pharmacy. It ended with me doubled over in abdominal pains wondering if I should go to the emergency room. I didn't. I did scare the dogs out of the room with my sissy girl crying and spend the evening walking around hunched over cause standing up straight hurt.
I felt ok for most of the swim. Just weird. Hadn't swum in a week and obviously felt tired too.
100 swim
100 kick
100 pull
100 drill
100 swim
8x75-50 drill,25 build w/ :15 rest
2x150-100 easy, 50 build on 3:00
2x150-50 easy, 100 build on 3:00
1600m total
Not the full workout, but I was going to be late for therapy!

Then went to therapy and had a lot to talk about. I hadn't been there in 2 weeks since he went on vacation. Therapists shouldn't be allowed to go on vacation especially right after my divorce ;) Everything revolves around me you know. Ha ha! That seems like so long ago. So we had a lot to cover in a short amount of time. No way I could get through it all. Just talked and talked and talked. Certain things that I often hesitate to talk about, just came flowing right out. A good thing! Progress! Important to make progress, even if it is small.

I really had a lot of emotional and physical stress to deal with. The physical stuff was really hard. And I'm glad that it is hopefully almost over.

Training and triathlon are for fun. They will fit in where they will. I think I have spent so many years of my life defining myself by the things that I do whether it be triathlon or running or math or being a wife, that it is hard for me to just be. To not worry all the time about what it is that I am going to accomplish, what it is that I have to do today to reach my next goal, but to just to what it is right in the moment to feel happy.

I had a migraine tonight. And my medicine was in the car. So I brought the dogs with me. And Cooper got in the car and wouldn't get out. So I got in and took them for a drive. Not to go anywhere, not to do anything, just to open the windows, smell the fresh air, and be.